You are a choirboy compared to me.

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 10:39:33 GMT

YANKEE

you are like north on a compass
my thoughts always pointed towards you
love is not a lesson taught
but it has arrived and it's time to go
for there is no business in the thoughts of yesterday
for silly thoughts and smiles won't make you today's money
come now and take my hand
and i'll make it a point to never take you somewhere familiar
or anything you happen to hate, which you have told me some
but maybe just a few times, when the storm has died down
let me look into your eyes and love you
love you to every little bit, piece, fracture and cell in your whole self
no matter of simple crushes
misdirection at every whim
however it turns out
we are the lucky ones
hard to harness, eager for self preservation
drop your defenses
feel my heart with yours
lay your lips on my soul
it is yours to suck out of me and keep in a secret place, sealed with a quiet kiss
and that smile that makes your eyes crinkle, like so long ago when things were simple
weak knees
teardrops
love i've melted into mercury for your thermometer
burn me up

Like a worn out prom dress.

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 07:02:52 GMT

I know, we've met. Tales of a life of inequality where self acceptance is my only hope for survival. You wrote your last rain check and spewed your last insult. A pair of missized shoes is the only thing that allows me a wormhole to the past and my arm does not stretch galaxies. I will always fall short of these expectations. My knees are always shaky and fearing collapse, another weight or book to balance. Physicalities have never hurt less but my nerves have never hurt so badly. It is hard to know if my name has been called. Just bubble wrap my heart this time and pop the sheets when it's over. I am growing tired of having to be the hero. You know how by now.

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 01:06:23 GMT

I found myself not being able to look at you because of how deep your eyes were. More and more lately, there have been a lot of things that I just can't explain, that being one. It's almost like there were layers and shades of browns I'd never seen before, and it shocked me in a way that made me blush and stammer. Especially in the light. They sparkled. And I knew if I kept looking, I wouldn't be able to stop.

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 10:16:33 GMT

I cannot see any way in which I could want anything more right now. I have everything. I have freedom and independence with no need to feel clingy. I have a best friend who I am completely fine being extremely close to but not expecting anything. I have a trip planned for tomorrow to see one of my old best friends that I haven't seen in years. When I get back, I have a welcome back party planned for me by number one girl. My parents are down with me going to Denver, which is a feat in itself..

Fuck. Things have not gone THIS fucking right in a long, long time and I hope with everything I am that they continue this way for a while. I'm flying.

And I think the only thing I can ask for right now is sleep, because I have to be up in about six or seven hours. Let's go!

I can't even tell you how much I just don't care.

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 00:12:38 GMT

For all of the attitudes or any of it. I left that shit for a reason, it got old to me. I'm sorry if I was too early, or you were too late. I'm going to remember those days in a very certain way, in a very great light that not much can compare to. And I know that if I went back, they would just be ruined because I would realize nothing was the same. I'm writing this about one thing, but now that I think about it, it applies to almost every aspect of my life right now.

Except for the fact that I'm happy. I'm really happy with not being so controlling of my life and not worrying about it so much. I just needed to let the fuck go and realize that I have no control. I need to let myself have stupid crushes and just be ridiculous for a while, it's been a long time. I need 'me' time. Hahaha. I've never thought of being that stupid and describing it that way, but that's basically what it is. I shouldn't need a boyfriend to do that. I shouldn't need anything but myself to be happy. It's been so long since I've been able to admit this to myself and just be able to LOVE. Because really, what else do we really have? I find myself rekindling all sorts of old friendships and it feels great. I haven't smiled or laughed like this in so long. I'm touching the fucking sky.

note to self: keep taking pictures.

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:29:47 GMT

god. it just hit me how much has changed. over such a long time. i always knew that's what life was about. but going through pictures and seeing people i hadn't in a while really reaffirms that. i seem to have switched roles with so many people. so happy that i have stayed stable. and friends with people who really deserve it. i have taken so many beautiful pictures, capturing memories right as they happen and not much of it is thanks to me. i'm just the one behind the lens. it is all my friends and how amazing and precious every single one of them is, and the little things they bring to form one big extraordinary moment. i want to cry when i see good like this in the world because lately i have felt it so rare. and i hate it because so many pictures of myself i have critiqued mercilessly when i really just should have seen that i really didn't look that bad. lately all of my childhood hangouts have been closing and it's kind of hard to see. gameworks, which has been through countless renovations, is finally gone. and my parents have told me how skrappy's was being demolished the last time they drove by. my childhood's really not there anymore. and all i have to remember it by are the few pictures and many memories that i hope will never fade. so many i've loved have left, and some moved on to something better. although i am proud of them, i will always miss them and have them in my heart. i have been so lucky to meet most of the friends i have and i guess because my family wasn't always reliable, i consider them just as close. i'm honestly surprised i haven't lost more of them. most of the ones i hated admitted their debts. and in certain, different ways, all of them put in their two cents to create this wonderful friend web that is always changing and flexing and becoming stronger. and fuck, is it beautiful. it's color and love and emotion and everything. and i could never ask for more.

11:55 pm on october 14th

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 09:59:52 GMT

RIP taylor boswell whitacre.

I love you. I miss you. and I will always picture you in better days.

ps.

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 12:08:41 GMT

Lost one, let go to get one
Get one, lose some to win some
Story of a champion
Sorry I'm a champion
You lost one.

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 05:19:20 GMT

hahahahaha stephie.

hxc jennay: stick your arm in the door and fling a knife
hxc jennay: 'DID I HIT YOU?!'
xGlitt3rxTr4shx: I MEANT THE OTHER PIECE OF SHIT ON THE BED SORRYYYYYY LAWLZ!

Kiss me back starving.

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 11:57:35 GMT

If I never see you again, I will train my thoughts. I will make them strong so they will protect you from any distance. If I never hear your voice again, I will remember the sound of you calling my name. If you never touch me again, I will remember the feeling of being whole so loneliness will not recognize me.

I only WISH I could achieve this level of masochism.

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 07:48:20 GMT

[From Housekeeping Monthly May 13, 1955]

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know theat you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of agood meal [especially his favorite dish] is part of the warm welcome needed.

• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been a lot of work weary people.

• Be a little gay and a little more intresting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

• Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.

• Over the cooler months of the year, you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your Husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all; catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

• Prepare the children, take a few minutes to wash the children's hand and faces [if they are small], comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

• Be happy to see him.

• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

• Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home let or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

• Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace and order and tranquillity whre your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

• Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

• Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as a minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

• Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO QUESTION HIM.

• A good wife always knows her place.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAA!!

So yeah, today was fun. I saw Land of the Dead with Cody, some of the goriest shit I've ever seen. His mom's funny. He paid for everything when we went to Nico's and Starbucks. I felt bad. But then we went to Denny's with Tiff and PJ. PJ's back was hurting though, so I took him back to the apartment. Boo. I hope you feel better. Then Big Poppa came and the fun started. He dribbled on himself. It was definitely one of the better times at Denny's. Seriously, crazy good night.

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 08:50:57 GMT

♦ ♣ ♠ ♥

FRIENDS ONLY.

Comment to be added.

EDIT: SCREENED. DON'T BE STUPID.